Causes of conflict

Conflict happens when two people have different perspectives on the same thing. Neither is wrong, but they are seeing different perspectives on the same situation. It is easy to get frustrated when a partner is not seeing a situation the same way as we do. Everyday life stressors can cause conflict.

Possible causes of conflict

Parenting styles

We each have different views on parenting styles. This is often due to our own childhood experiences. Different parenting styles and influence from other family members can cause parental conflict. Family Links provides a range of accessible resources that can be shared with families. 

Finances

Some issues can lead to worries about not being able to buy necessities or pay the bills. These include

• debt
• overspending
• unexpected costs
• job loss

This can lead to strain on relationships and result in parental conflict. More information is available on the Family Information Service website about Money and Benefits. 

Housing

Limited space or poor living conditions can be very challenging. Accessing help and support can relieve this stress. It can help to improve the situation thus reducing parental conflict. The Buckinghamshire Council website can provide further information about housing. The charity 'Shelter' can also provide further information.

Mental Health

Poor mental health can cause worry and anxiety for those involved. It can place a huge amount of stress on relationships as people try to navigate through these challenges. Information and advice about Mental Health is available on the Buckinghamshire Family Information Service website. 

Having a new baby

Bringing a baby into the world brings so much happiness and joy. But it can also create strain and challenges for relationships. A new baby’s addition to the family can mean changes to routines, work, friendships, and finances. The NHS website has guidance for families with new babies.

When parents live together, conflict might present as: 

• low mood
• negativity 
• withdrawal 
• a change in parenting style 

For parents living apart, there might be an inability or refusal to communicate. There might also be accusations and prolonged court proceedings. It can be difficult to feel like an effective parent if there is only occasional contact with a child.

Supporting families 

As well as looking out for the above signs, there might be a time when someone will come to you for support. This moment may be subtle and it could:

• be a one-off comment at the end of a session,
• or they might bring up an unrelated issue in the middle of a conversation.

The most effective way to recognise parents going through conflict is to ask. Make it part of the initial conversation. Ask about their relationship. For example, “How’s your partner at the moment?”. Please see the resources section for additional questions and strategies.