Engaging with Dads

Engaging Dad's in conflict support

When a parental relationship is in conflict, both parents matter. Practitioners may have closer connections with mothers. Often a father’s input is not valued as much as it should be.

Assumptions and personal history may influence our view of fathers. For example:

• Is there a culture of only working with Mums?
• Might you have any unconscious bias based on your own lived experience?
• Are you fearful of engaging with Dads based on what you know or have read about them?

It is crucial for fathers to play an active role in a child’s upbringing (unless they are a risk to their child’s safety).

Research shows that fathers and male carers have a significant impact on a child's:

• early development
• modelling
• later development including education and behaviour
• personal and family development including self-esteem and social skills

Helpful strategies

Some useful strategies that could help engage Dads include:

• Name their engagement from the start as expected and important.
• Proactively seek Dads out. Explain why you want to meet and acknowledge their role as a parent or carer.
• Show that you recognise the father’s role and have knowledge about their child and family.
• Engage with men’s versions of events in an open and exploratory way.
• Ensure fathers who do not take part are followed up with.
• Provide any interventions or support to both parents.
• Include Fathers who do not live with their children full-time whenever possible.

Talking to men

Below are some useful questions and prompts to help you talk with Dads. 

Engagement

• Contact information: Do you have/ask for their details?
• Language: Naming the individual role of being a father.
• Meetings: Are timings inclusive to enable men who work to attend? Are you holding separate meetings to enable both parents to share in an open and honest environment?
• Emphasise the value of their involvement.
• “Why do you think we are meeting today?”
• “What is going well for you as a Dad?”
• “Have you thought about what you would like to see change?”

Uncovering the stories of fatherhood

• “How did you feel when you first knew you would be a father?”
• “Tell me about your involvement in pregnancy and the early stages of your child’s life”
• Make the Dad role a routine part of conversations with Mum.

Uncovering challenges and identifying support

• “What do you need help in changing?”
• “How do you work out the division of the child-related responsibilities at home?”
• "Even in difficult situations, what do you feel you were able to do that made you feel good about being a Dad?"
• “How often do difficulties arise?”

Anna Freud have more guidance on supporting dads.