Basic communication principles

3 elements of communication

To build a rapport with a child you must understand how to communicate with the child both verbally and non-verbally. There are 3 elements to communication which are essential to understand when building a rapport with a child or young person with EBSNA. These include:

1. body language 
2. voice
3. words 

It is important to understand that our body language makes up 55% of how we communicate (Conciliation Skills, SCRIP, 2002). For example our posture, movements and facial expressions. Our tone of voice makes up 38% of our communication and our spoken language makes up 7%. Although our body language is the most important, it is essential that all 3 elements deliver a positive message.

Things you should avoid

• Speaking too loudly or shouting 
• The use of patronising language 
• The use of negative language 
• Asking children to identify and speak about their anxieties without getting to know them 
• Being continuously unavailable to communicate or support the pupil 
• Identifying the child's weakness 
• Highlighting their negative behaviour or wrong behaviours 
• Speaking to the child or young person about personal issues in a non-confidential space
• Offloading your own emotions onto the child when you communicate 
• Displaying disinterest when communicating with the child 

Things you should do

• Build a relationship with the child 
• Find a suitable time to check in with the child 
• The use of a safe place for communicating 
• Having an unconditional positive regard 
• Use a sensitive communication style 
• Use curious language to understand their situation. For example, "I wonder why you are feeling like that". 
• Be empathetic and sympathetic to their behaviour and situation 
• Use effective eye contact 
• Use effective body language to communicate

Matching and mirroring

When we match the way a child or young person is communicating and mirror/copy what they do then it shows we respect them. It is a way of listening with our whole body and shows we are present in the interaction. It shows we can understand them and are able to reassure them.

We may match our verbal and non-verbal communications to theirs using the following:

• Body postures and gestures: It is important to try and match the child’s behaviour, what are they doing with their arms or their hands. If the child or young person is not using their hands to communicate, then using your hands may seem excessive.
• The rhythm of breath: Observe how the young person is breathing and where they are breathing from. Try to match this. 
• The energy level: Is the child or young person shy or extroverted? If they are reserved and you are full of energy the child may observe this as aggressive. It's important to attempt to match their energy level to establish an effective rapport.
• The tone of your voice: If the child or young person is whispering and talking calmly, it would be inappropriate to speak loudly. 

(Civico, 2015)

Barriers to communication

There are lots of barriers to communication with children and young people, 3 of the main ones are: 

Judging: Being critical of the child

A child may be very critical of themselves and display many negative thinking errors. It is important that we do not reinforce this and instead show an understanding of their experience.

Avoiding the child's concerns

It is important we listen to a child’s concerns first without jumping straight into reassurance. Give the child enough time to speak about how they are feeling.

Sending solutions

Don’t always think that you have the answers to everything. Avoid giving solutions to problems. It is important for them to come up with their own and to let them have agency over this. Otherwise, children won't progress and can take a backwards step, if they feel like a goal or working towards something is too hard.