The GROW Model

(Race Equality Foundation, https://raceequalityfoundation.org.uk/parentalconflict/)

The GROW model is a tool to use when facilitating conversations around parental conflict and support.

GROW

Goal

This section of GROW is discussed at the beginning of the conversation. It can be referred to again from time to time to keep the focus moving forward, especially if the parent becomes stuck. Identifying what we want to achieve puts us on the path to accomplishing it. This is done by focusing on the solution rather than the problem. Some Goal questions include:

• What do you want? 
• Over what time frame?
• Where would you like to be on a scale from 1 to 10? 
• Imagine you have achieved it;
  • What does it look like? 
  • How do you feel? 
  • What are people saying to you? 
  • What are the benefits? 
• How will you know when you have achieved it? What will be the improved outcome? 

Reality

This is an exploration of the parents' world at the moment. These conversations help people to be clear about what is happening and how it is affecting them/their children. It provides an opportunity for viewing issues from different perspectives, ensuring child focus. Some useful questions include:

• What is happening at the moment? 
• How important is this to you? 
• If an ideal situation is 10, what number are you at now? 
• What impact is this having on you? How do you feel?
• What have you done so far? 
• Who else does this affect? 
• What are you doing that's working towards your goal? 
• What are the barriers to achieving your goal? 

Options

Parents should move naturally towards the options stage as their reality becomes clearer. It is hopeful that parents are feeling more positive at this stage and able to talk through the next stage. Some useful questions include:

• What are your options? 
• What could you do? 
• What has worked in the past? 
• What steps could you take? 
• Who could help you with this? 
• Where could you find out the information? 
• What might someone else do in your shoes? 
• Imagine you have achieved your goal. Look back on the journey and tell me how you got here. 

Notice that most of these questions are almost all open. You can keep asking these questions until the parent has stopped coming up with options. Once it seems that the list is complete, ask the closed question ‘Is there anything else?’. This helps to find out whether it is time to finalise the process. This question often results in new options. You can ask as many times as it continues to deliver outcome-focused discussion.

Will

Will is about discovering which actions parents feel they can achieve. Then putting a plan in place to move forward with those actions. Some useful questions include:

• What will you do about that? 
• How will you do that? 
• When? 
• What will it take for you to commit to that action? 
• What could you do to become more committed? 
• How often? 
• Where will you find that? 
• Who will you talk to? 
• What else could you do? 

When asked, ‘What will you do about this?’ there is a danger that parents will make a list of what they think they should do. They should actually be choosing what they feel is achievable. A classic example of this is when someone commits to joining a gym because they want to lose weight. If they won’t attend because they hate going to the gym, they would get more benefits from walking his dog every morning. That is something that is more realistic and achievable but provides a similar, positive outcome to change.

Core questions

These are some core questions that are worth trying to remember. They are always useful if we have an opportunity to talk to a couple or person about their relationship. Think of them as a first aid kit. They are there when we need to quickly respond to a conflict situation.

• If you felt like your relationship was in a better place, what would be different?
• What would you both need to do differently to get there?
• What might get in the way of you making these changes?
• How could you help each other overcome these barriers?