Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs) for parents and school staff

This FAQ section brings together frequent questions that families and educators have after a death in the school community. Each answer includes links to expert guidance from trusted UK organisations specialising in child bereavement and suicide bereavement support.

What do children understand about death at different ages

Children’s understanding of death changes as they grow. Key developmental patterns include:

• Babies can sense separation and may show distress when a caregiver is missing.
• Toddlers may search for the person who has died and become upset or withdrawn.
• Children aged 2 to 5 may not understand that death is permanent and can take words like “gone to sleep” literally.
• Primary‑aged children begin to understand that death is permanent but may worry it could happen to other loved ones.
• Teenagers understand death intellectually but may struggle emotionally; reactions can include withdrawal, anger, or intense sadness.

Helpful resources:

• Children’s understanding of death at different ages — Child Bereavement UK 
• What children understand about death — Cruse Bereavement Support 

How should I respond to a child’s questions about death and dying

Children benefit from clear, simple, honest explanations using words like dead and died rather than metaphors. Respond to small, factual pieces of information and check understanding.

Key principles include:

• answer the question asked.
• use straightforward language.
• correct misunderstandings gently.
• reassure them that their feelings are normal.
• it is okay to say, “I don’t know.”

Helpful resources:

• NSPCC guidance on explaining death honestly and using age‑appropriate language [NSPCC]
• Marie Curie guidance on answering children’s questions clearly and safely [Marie Curie] 
• Child Bereavement UK’s guidance on how to answer children’s questions 

How should I respond to questions about suicide

Talking about suicide is difficult, but children need truthful, age‑appropriate explanations that do not provide graphic details. You can say that the person “died by suicide,” and offer reassurance that a child is not to blame.

Expert organisations advise that:

• Children should be told the truth in a developmentally appropriate way.
• The specific method of suicide should not be discussed because sharing detailed information can increase distress, fuel rumour, or fear, and in some cases contribute to imitation or “copycat” behaviour, particularly among vulnerable young people.
• Euphemisms or avoiding the topic can increase fear and confusion.
• Adults should be ready to listen to fears and misconceptions.
• Additional support may be helpful in cases of traumatic loss.

• Amparo support for anyone affected by suicide, including practical guidance 
• Winston’s Wish specialist suicide bereavement support and guidance [NPSA]

Are there right and wrong things to say to a child when someone dies

There are no perfect words, but some approaches help and others can cause confusion.

Helpful things to say:

• Honest, simple explanations (“He died. His body stopped working.”).
• Naming feelings (“It’s okay to feel sad, angry or confused.”).
• Reassurance about safety and ongoing support.

Things to avoid:

• Euphemisms (“gone to sleep,” “lost”) — these confuse young children.
• False reassurance (“Everything will be fine soon”).
• Making assumptions about feelings (“You must feel really sad”).

How can I talk to a child with SEND about death

Children with special educational needs and disabilities (SEND) may grieve just as deeply as other children but often need additional support to understand what death means and to express their feelings. Their reactions may differ because of differences in communication, information processing, emotional regulation, sensory needs, or reliance on routines.

1. Use clear, concrete language
   Like all children, children with SEND benefit from simple, direct explanations using literal terms such as “died” rather than metaphors like “gone to sleep” or “gone away”, which can be confusing or taken literally.
2. Tell them the truth in a way they can process
   All children, regardless of cognitive level, have a right to know when someone important has died. Children with learning disabilities may not fully understand the permanence of death but will still sense absence and emotional change around them, so honest information tailored to their level of understanding is essential.
3. Prepare them for changes in routine
   Many SEND learners - particularly autistic children - find changes to routines very distressing. A death often brings disruption to daily patterns, household rhythms, and emotional atmosphere. Preparing them to use visual support or clear explanations can reduce anxiety.
4. Support them to express feelings in their own way
   Children with SEND often show grief through behaviour, not words. They may show increased dependence, restlessness, changes to sleep/eating, meltdowns, withdrawal, or even excitement. These behaviours may reflect difficulty with emotional regulation rather than a lack of understanding or care. They may need structured opportunities, sensory tools, or alternative communication methods to express themselves.
5. Repeat information and check understanding
   Children with SEND may need repetition, visual aids, or step‑by‑step explanations to fully process what has happened and what it means. Regular check‑ins help clarify misunderstandings such as believing the person may return.
6. Validate their reactions
   Some children may react more intensely or with delayed grief, while others may appear unaffected at first. All reactions are valid. Children with SEND may also struggle to recognise or label their own emotions and may need help understanding what they are feeling.
7. Include them in rituals where appropriate
   It is helpful to involve children in bereavement rituals - funerals, memory boxes, lighting candles - provided these are well explained and adapted to their needs. This helps them make sense of what has happened and feel included.
8. Use Visual Supports and Concrete Tools
   Pictures, objects, stories, or nature examples can help children with learning disabilities or autism understand the concept of death more clearly. Visual schedules or social stories can prepare them for unfamiliar settings such as funerals or places where people may be crying.

Helpful resources

• National Autistic Society: Bereavement guidance for parents and carers - Advice on supporting autistic children, including communication strategies, behaviour changes, and preparing for rituals. 
• Child Bereavement UK: Supporting bereaved children and young people with a learning disability - Guidance on telling a child with a learning disability about a death, adapting communication, and supporting emotional expression.

What should I look out for in a child after someone has died

Children may show their grief through behaviour more than words. Look for:

• withdrawal or shutting down
• changes in play, sleep, appetite, or concentration
• repetitive questions or worries
• angry outbursts or emotional swings
• regressive behaviours (in younger children)
• preoccupation with safety or the circumstances of the death
• avoidance of reminders of the person
• While most reactions are normal, consider seeking additional support if symptoms are intense, prolonged, or significantly affect daily functioning.

Helpful resources: