Skills for establishing a rapport
Last updated:Beginning conversation basics
Make sure that you:
- Provide a consistent safe space to work with the child or young person.
- Stick to agreed meeting times and length of sessions.
- Confidentiality: Only share information with other people if it is essential. For example, a potential safeguarding issue. Make sure the child understands what will and won’t be shared and with whom.
- Think about how to end sessions. A buffer may be needed at the end of the session before returning to the classroom. For example, a walk or a game. This may be needed if:
- the child is in an emotional state
- has engaged deeply in reflective conversation
Active listening
Active ‘whole body’ listening means being able to give all your attention to someone else. "It is the ability to keep your attention external to yourself rather than thinking through your own thoughts." (Conciliation Skills, SCRIP, 2002). It helps a person to feel listened to, validated and understood. Active listening includes:
- Using your whole body to convey your listening. (Eye contact, using non-verbal cues such as ‘uh-huh or nodding, adjusting body language to mirror or match the speaker).
- Reflecting back the emotions that you hear or might anticipate. For example, “I can see that made you feel really angry” or “I am wondering whether that worried you at all?”.
- Ask open-ended questions to extend understanding and avoid closed questions. For example, “I wonder how that made you feel?”, “tell me more about (blank)”.
- Paraphrase to check you have understood. (“I think you are telling me that the teacher was mistaken when they told you off, is that right?”).
- Summarise and prompt the child to think about what they need. (“It seems that you really struggle to feel part of the class, I wonder if you have thought about what could change?”).