Impact on parents

Impact on parenting

It is normal for poor communication between a couple to impact how they parent together.  It is challenging to parent well when experiencing conflict with the co-parent.

When entrenched in conflict, many parents use up their emotional energy on

• thinking about the conflict
• taking part in the conflict
• avoiding the conflict

This makes them become less emotionally available and can impact their parenting.

Emotionally unavailable

When conflict consumes or distracts a parent it takes up headspace. This leaves them with less energy to meet their child’s emotional needs.

Compensating

When a parent knows there is a difficult and negative atmosphere they over-compensate. For example, being more lenient, more relaxed rules and giving gifts.

Harsh

Conflict is stressful, so it is normal to have a lower tolerance for misbehaviour. A parent may become harsher or stricter in their parenting style.

Dismissive

A parent may feel overwhelmed so they may not complete simple parenting tasks. They may ‘let things go’ more.

Authoritarian

Where a parent lacks relationship control, they may seek control elsewhere. They can restore some sense of control in parenting.

Blaming

At times of conflict, a parent may look for someone to blame, which may include their child. A parent wants to place blame on others to absolve themselves.

Family Stress Model

(Early Intervention Foundation, 2017, https://www.eif.org.uk/resource/commissioner-guide-reducing-parental-conflict) 

The Family Stress Model shows:

1. Pressure from health, finance and housing causes parental distress.
2. These can lead to both parents being in psychological distress.
3. The parents' distress leads to parental conflict.
4. When parental conflict is the main cause of poor parenting, fixing the parenting issue alone is unlikely to be effective. The interparental relationship needs to be addressed as well.

Parents and their mental health

Parents are at increased risk of anxiety and depression when there are worries in a family. For example housing, finance, physical and mental health problems. This emotional distress then leads to an increase in conflict. Conflict can increase the likelihood of harsh or inconsistent parenting. Harsh parenting can increase the risk of negative outcomes for children. These include anxiety, difficult behaviour, health issues and educational attainment.

Keeping Your Child In Mind support programme

The Keeping Your Child in Mind (KCIM) programme is Buckinghamshire’s Reducing Parental Conflict support programme for parents. KCIM is our 4-week programme for parents who are ready to reflect and make positive changes. This could include their own relationships, communication styles and parenting.

Our aim is to support parents to understand the importance of positive family relationships. It will also support parents whose differences in parenting styles have caused a communication breakdown. Each session uses knowledge and research about the impact of parental conflict. It aims to increase parents/carers understanding of the influence of their relationships on children. The sessions link this understanding with key strategies for:

1. maintaining and improving parenting
2. reducing parental conflict within families

The Buckinghamshire Family Information Service Reducing Parental Conflict area has more information and can be signposted to as well.