Parental conflict or domestic abuse

Abuse and conflict are not the same thing.

Abuse is not a disagreement. It is the use of the below to govern and influence the other person’s thoughts, emotions, and behaviours. This can include, but is not subject to:

• physical abuse
• sexual abuse
• emotional or psychological violence or control

Where there is abuse, there is no discussion between ‘equals’. Abuse has a perpetrator where there is an imbalance of power. There is a pattern of behaviour and or incidents within an interpersonal relationship. An abuser seeks to control the other person. They use a range of abusive strategies to create an environment of fear to control their victim.

In domestic abuse, there will be an imbalance of power between the victim and the perpetrator.

When addressing conflict in a relationship, practitioners should be vigilant. You should be confident there are no indicators of domestic abuse. These include:

• fear
• imbalance of power
• controlling behaviours.

If there are signs of controlling behaviour this can be an indicator of an abusive relationship.

Tools and resources

Rise

The Rise App is a tool for parents to help them identify if they are in conflict or being abused.

Parent Relationship Spectrum

The Parent Relationship Spectrum is a tool to help understand if a relationship is healthy, has conflict or is abusive. It can be found under 'tools and resources' from 'for baby's sake'.

Keep an open mind and be curious and alert to an imbalance of power, or where at least one person feels fear.

The Equality Wheel

Looking at conflict resolution in a healthy and unhealthy relationship can be supported by using the Respect Wheel.

Cafcass

Cafcass has resources to distinguish between domestic abuse and harmful conflict for practitioners.  

Support for families

If you are vigilant and open to evidence of domestic abuse you can support a family as soon as concerns are raised.

If you identify any concern indicating domestic abuse:

1. You should follow your organisation’s policies and procedures to address domestic abuse.
2. The priority should be managing any potential risk of harm.

If anyone is in immediate danger from an abuser dial 999.

Discuss with your line manager or designated safeguarding lead for more information.

More information about services available to support victims is available on the Buckinghamshire Council website.